Continued.... I have since grown a lot. I have grown through Gods help and Jesuss love. My sister and my dad made up. My dad lived the rest of his life alone to punish himself for all he had done. He suffered for everything he did, and he made himself. He was alone a lot. When my sister forgave him, I forgave him and we all let it go. His last years were a little happier because of it, he went to church he became involved in our lives and he did all he could to make amends in anyway possible. He is gone now and I miss him and I miss all those years. He never once laid one hand on me, but I couldnt forgive until she did. He always came to special occasions and was always there when it mattered even though he knew he wasnt welcome most of the time, he put every effort in to changing his relationship with each of is. I could always see the sadness and hurt in his eyes that shame and guilt. It was so sad. The neighbor I dated became a city cop and is now a fireman, he is married with three kids and he is happy as far as I know. By the way it wasnt the ex he married, go figure The guy I got in so much trouble with, joined the Navy, we eventually made up and after not talking for years I called his mom one day he called me directly back we said our apologies, a week later he was coming home and fell asleep at the wheel and was killed, in a car wreck. Most of the other guys I am friends with. The next guy told one of my friends how sorry he was for how he treated me and he knew he had done so many things wrong and he hoped I didnt hate him. I dont. My ex husband? We are still working on a few issues at this time but it is coming along the best it can, considering. We do the best we can for Dakota and he deserves that so much. My oldest sister, was married but then divorced, she is now remarried and very happy in her life I believe. My youngest sister was married then divorced, she had a son, and is now living with a man she met about a year ago and is happier than she has ever been. My brother is married and has two girls and he is happy with his life. My grandma passed away a few years ago and everyone misses her, my grandpa we are still close and he is as he always has been. I think I had disappointed him at times but my mom says he is proud even if I dont see it. As for me, I have grown up. I still make mistakes, I am my worst critic. I am finally happy, I truly am. I have cried a lot especially in the past few years but it is my way of letting go. For someone who could never shed a tear in the past, I have come a long way. I release it with every single tear I shed. It has been a long time coming and I feel now, I finally learned to feel. The best is yet for me to come .I can see it in the not to distant future. I have lived and loved and learned. With Gods help I will go far.. I have been physically battered and beaten, I have been emotionally drained an definitely affected. I really never had anything to offer anyone but myself, I have given of that freely at times. Every person who has been apart of my life has taken a piece of me with them. Noone ever touched my spirit though. Im now free of the past, my heart is now healed and now I can give it all. Why am I so optimistic, because I have finally found God and I have finally found Jesus, they have always been with me and nobody can ever take that away. Someday I am going to be somebody, someday I am going to be somebody I am proud of. Thanks for listening. |
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