As I sat down to write this article, I found myself struggling. I was partaking in one of those monkey mind games activities that tend to leave me feeling overwhelmed, self-defeated, and tortured. I found that what I wanted - to write an article that supports you, the reader in living a great life - was pre-empted by the BS and excuses in my head. It got me to asking the question, what's really stopping me from doing what I want? Let me explain. Even though I've had anywhere from 3-5 different topics in mind to write about for weeks now, I sat down and instantly drew a blank. I thought of at least a dozen excuses as to why each topic wasn't right - too esoteric, too many other experts writing about it, maybe nobody cares about it, etc. Then, I launched into something most people could relate to - Procrastination and Avoidance at All Costs. I thought about how I wanted to do just about anything but write. Maybe even clean the cat box for kicks. Finally, I started negotiating with my monkey mind attempting to convince myself that maybe later would be a better time to write. But, then it hit me! All this struggle and merry-go-round unproductive thinking has nothing to do with writing. It is simply the current iteration of a made-up story I tell myself when I would rather sabotage my efforts and feel bad about myself than stand up, tap into my confidence, and express myself fully in the world. After all, some days it just feels safer to curl up, stay home, and have a little pity party for no particular reason. While a whiny few hours of procrastination can occasionally be cathartic, if you allow your made-up negative beliefs to run your days you most definitely will find yourself struggling to get what you really want and missing out on spending time on the things that matter most to you. From my own experience and that of working with my clients, I have found there are 5 common reasons that keep us from doing what we want: Lack of Energy There is no such thing as time management. There are 24 hours in the day regardless of who you are. There is only energy management. That is, managing your personal energy (physical, mental, and emotional) on a day to day and long term basis. Nothing can be more devastating to your plans for doing what matters most to you, whether it is creativity, spending time with loved ones, or simply having fun, than lack of energy. Have you ever had a long day at the office where you came home brain dead, dragged your body through the door, and just couldn't deal with anything or anyone? If you have, then you know what it is like to put what matters to you on the back burner because you just don't have it in you to be present in the moment and act alive. Fear of Success/Failure The list of fears people have around doing what matters most to them could fill pages. Afraid of success: what happens if I get what I want? What then? Or, fear of failure - what if it doesn't work out? What will I make that mean about me? When you let this negative, fearful brain chatter exist in your head and start listening to it, it is guaranteed to keep you paralyzed and out of action because it is just too darn scary. The reality is, we will all succeed and fail along the way. Inevitably we will experience both. So, drop the "What if?" game, and summon the courage to take action and walk alongside your fears. Lack Confidence Regardless of how much success you may have had in the past, a new endeavor or even setting boundaries for things that matter to you can wreak havoc on your self-confidence. Confidence comes from within. It is not something you can buy, borrow, or steal. It can only come with trusting and self-care. If you know you can count on yourself no matter what, it is much easier to take risks and rely on your self-confidence because your foundation (what you believe about yourself) is solid. Afraid of Losing Control Control is an illusion. As a recovering control freak, I should know. We can't control anything in life any more than we can wrap our hands around and make a tight fist around Jell-O. In fact, losing control is almost always a precursor to creativity. A stand-up comic has to be willing to give up control over whether a joke will make an audience laugh in order to have the confidence to get up on stage. A musician must be willing to let go of her baby (a new song) in order to see if it'll resonate with others. A writer must be willing to let the words flow regardless of whether or not someone ever reads or is affected by their words. Worried What Others Will Think I once heard a quote from somewhere that what others think is none of my business. We tend to spend so much time worrying what others are thinking about us that it would come as a shock to realize just how little other people are actually thinking about us. They are too busy thinking about themselves and their life to be concerned about us. Anything worth doing in this lifetime - whether it is building a new business or spending quality time with those you love - is bound to upset someone. Not everyone is going to like you so you may as well get over that right now. I say that as someone who took a while to realize that little tidbit for herself. Don't let what you perceive someone else might think of you or your efforts stop you from living your best life and realizing your dreams. The power to have what you want is in your hands, what's stopping you? Copyright 2006, The Paula G Company ------------------------------------- |
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