Every bride and groom is into personalized vows. They want to have their little say about what love and marriage means to them and they want the whole world to know. Some of these vows, dragged out of love-filled hearts, are a pleasure to listen to. Others, just dragged out, make painful listening. The profundity is somehow lost in the open air of a wedding day.

That a bride and groom might have difficulty in compiling a wedding vow is not to be wondered at. Much higher powers than they have lost a lot of sleep ensuring their appropriateness and completeness.

In times past, when a bride and groom were bound to each other as husband and wife merely by stating their intention, I take you to be my husband, and I take you to be my wife, pretty well said it all.

But, of course, with time and education, every bride and groom wanted their say.

So then it was, I will be you wife, to love and to cherish and do all sort of things for you.

Immediately, those who cared, detected a problem. Wasnt will a future verb? Didnt its use tend to suggest that the woman would be the mans wife at some future date, but not at the moment?

Sure, the future verb when used at a betrothal which, in those days, was as binding as the marriage itself, was good enough. But during the marriage ceremony the phrase to be used had to be a very define, present tense. In short, unless it was I do take you as my husband, it just might not end up being as legal as it was meant to be.

Needless to say, there was a lot of hair-splitting between those in favour of the future verb and those who insisted that only the present tense would do. Those for the future verb pointed out that a lot of other provisions had to be met to ensure the legality of a marriage. In effect, the vow was little more than trimming. Those for the present tense insisted that the vow was just as important, if not more so, than all the other requirements put together.

The war of the verbs continues to surface when legal minds get together on the subject of marriage. Couples are asked to consider very carefully how they structure their wedding vows. Well and good all that poetic staff that they want to overwhelm their partner with on the wedding day. Somewhere in the midst of all that fluff, however, there has to be a definite commitment to a legally binding union.

Vlady Peters

Vlady Peters is an Australian Civil Marriage Celebrant performing weddings, naming, renenewal of vows and commitment ceremonies both for Australian citizens and for overseas couples visiting friends and relatives in Australia.

She is the author of two traditionally published books, "The Complete Book of Australian Weddings" and "The Small Organisation Handbbook" and is in the process of releasing two ebooks dealing with weddings and honeymoons.

Her major interest is research into customs and traditions of weddings.

By going back to the roots of customs, she believes couples can more clearly differentiate between what is essential in a wedding ceremony, and what is merely a personal preference.

This allows them to choose a ceremony reflecting their own situation within the framework of legal requirements.

Vlady has a bachelor of Arts in English Literature and Government, and has studied the writing of novels and romances. She has written children picture books as well as novels.

She is a member of Queesland Civil Marriage Celebrants - the largest Civil Marriage Celebrants Association in Australia - as well as member of Celebrants' Training Association.

She is also a member of Australian Authors, as well as Romance Writers Association where for a number of years she was the Convenor of the prestigious Emma Darcy Award - Australia's leading Lady of Romance.

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