Is your date a strong personality? Do you find your relationship to be more challenging than you think you can handle?

As a dating columnist, I recently received this letter from a reader:

I have a boyfriend I think I love but he has such a strong personality, I can't tell if he is being domineering or if I am just being a wimp. There are so many things about him that I admire. He works three jobs, volunteers for the National Guard, spends time with his children from a previous marriage, and likes exotic animals like I do. But he is so busy and loud, I feel he never hears me. I find that I start to shut down the minute he walks in a room. Is there any hope for us?

Signed,

Hoping

Dear Hoping,

You are wise to consider your differences in personality before you get any more involved with your boyfriend. You sound like you are quiet and sensitive. He sounds energetic and exuberant. The very qualities you were drawn to each other for will also be your areas of struggle to understand one another.

You're right. Your boyfriend sounds like he has many admirable qualities. I can see why you want to try and work through your challenges. Start with the following:

Boundaries

Take a look at your boundaries. Where do you let him and (I suspect) others cross the line of what is okay with you and what is not. No one can take care of you in this area but you. Let your limits be known. Compromise is always important but not to the point where you shut yourself down, feel like you are not heard, and are either wounded or seething inside. Speak up. If you don't know how to do this, get yourself to a counselor.

Personal vision

Ask him what an ideal life would look like for him. Tell him to write it down, and as he does, you do the same. Compare your answers. Are they compatible? These are your most important moments to be honest with one another.

Even if this relationship doesn't last, you will have learned something valuable here. Between learning to set boundaries and getting an idea of what kind of life you want, you will be on your way to a stronger relationship--either with him, or with someone else.

Good luck to you.

Tonja

The Savvy Dating Coach

Tonja Weimer

Tonja Evetts Weimer is a Master Certified singles relationship and life coach, speaker, syndicated columnist and author.

Tonja is a full time professional coach with a practice in Greenville, SC. She helps individuals, especially singles, re-craft their lives and find happiness and success in their career and relationships. Some of Tonja's professional activities include:

==> Syndicated singles relationship columnist, writing SAVVY DATING, a weekly column read by over a million readers in many U.S newspapers. Tonja's column addresses relationship and life issues of interest to all adults, but particularly to the over 110 million singles in the U.S. Tonja has also had articles published in New Woman, Hope, and House Beautiful magazines, and has won 3 Matrix Awards for her writing.

==> Motivational speaker, Tonja has been a keynote presenter at national and international conferences over the last 30 years.

==> Author of materials for educators and parents (7 books, six music albums and 2 videos), which have won 22 awards.

Some Speaking and Media Highlights:

==> Keynote speaker for 2004 Women?s Issues Network Conference, Sumter, SC.

==> Keynote speaker for 2002 Parents as Teachers International Conference, St. Louis, MO.

==> Keynote speaker for 1999 International Conference for Children & Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder.

==> Keynote speaker for 1998 European Education Conference, in Mannheim, Germany.

==> Keynote speaker in 35 U.S. states at educational conferences.

==> Presenter at the International Special Olympics in Notre Dame, at the request of Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

==> Created Space Songs for Children, at the request of NASA (album taken into space by astronauts three times.)

==> Appeared on CNN?s Showbiz Today and many other TV shows.

Educational and Professional Qualifications:

==> National Fellow (U.S. Dept. of Education.) M.A. in Human Development and Education, with an emphasis on creativity.

==> Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach, Relationship Coaching Institute.

==> Personal Life Coach, Graduate, Institute for Life Coach Training.

==> Member, International Coaching Federation

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