Q. My wife and I have been married now for three years, and in the beginning it was wonderful, but now we seem to have grown apart. Part of the problem is that 1 love to be touched; it makes me feel loved So I am always hugging and touching my wife, but she says she doesn't feel loved by me. Plus, she has stopped touching and hugging me, so consequently, I am beginning to feel unloved by her. Is this relationship over? What can we do to get this changed? A. Many couples struggle with how to express love. The answer lies in realizing that each of us has our own unique "love language." In general, most people need to either see love, hear love or feel love. Problems can be twofold: 1. We typically don't know what our partner's love language is because not only have we not asked, but we also didn't even know we were supposed to ask. 2. Our natural tendency is to express love in the same way we would most like to receive it That works fine if we have the same love language as our partner. But guess what? Most couples have different love languages. So in this reader's case, it's fairly clear that his love language is touch. It's how he best "gets it" that he is loved. So naturally, he will communicate love in his own love language - touch. The problem is that his wife's love language is likely not touch, leading to more and more frustration for both. The solution is to discover your partner's love language. How? This is gonna be complicated, so hang in there with me: ASK I'll even give you the words: "In order 'for you to feel most loved by me, do you need to see it (I do things to show you), hear it (I tell you I love you), or feel it (I hug and touch you)?" Once you have the answer, you can begin to communicate in that person's love language. In this case, I'd be willing to bet that as he learns to communicate more often in his wife's love language, she will communicate more in his. In other words, he'll be touched a lot more. He can thank me later. |
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