O.k., you're standing there all alone at a party and in the far corner of the room your boyfriend is talking to some groovy chick. She's coming onto him and much to your dismay, he doesn't seem to be bragging about all how happy he is in his relationship with you. In fact, he even seems to be encouraging and indulging the shameless slattern's disgusting, desperate, gall-filled pleas for sexual attention. So you a) burst into tears and run from the room b) go up to him and drape yourself around his neck so she can't miss the fact that you and him are "together" or c) stand there and repeatedly tap his shoulder with your finger going "Um honey, honey, honey, I have to talk to you ... until he finally is forced to turn around and scream in your face "WHAT!" Actually, none of the above are the right answers. Unfortunately, the minute you display jealousy, you convey neediness and insecurity and according to Jungian psychiatrist William Rock Penfield, people of both sexes find this extremely unattractive in a partner. What they really find attractive is something called "the unattainable." That is why your boyfriend is flirting with the gorgeous interloper in the first place. He knows he belongs to you and therefore she becomes attractive because she is unattainable. Another reason we flip out, and become jealous is because we know we've already been "attained". The person knows he already "has you" so there is nothing to chase... no thrill to the hunt... the cupid's arrow has already met its mark and now you are about as sexually exciting as a carcass thrown in a burlap sack. No,the best thing for you to do in such a situation, is to mirror his behaviour. Make yourself unattainable. Replace thoughts like "No, no, no ....please don't do this to me." and " Please, please. Stop. Stop flirting with him!" to "Oh so you think you have this relationship in the bag do you.... while here's me brushing my breasts up against your best friend's arm and here's me batting my eyelashes at that guy you hate and here's me smiling and waving at you like nothing's wrong ... nothing at all!" Make like you're the wild unpredicatable one --like what he's doing doesn't matter --like you could leave this party at any minute with his successor. Before you know it, he'll be the one casting you the anxious looks, as you dirty dance with the cute guy you just met near the fridge. If he doesn't, maybe you should consider leaving the party with the new guy. Or girl. Because this mirroring trick works on both sexes. What doesn't work is begging, pleading, crying and trying to blackmail the person into never doing it again, later, when you get home in bed. Who wants to be with a needy, whiny jealous person. What a turnoff! |
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